


No Better Version of Me

by nemorps



Series: Dream a Little Dream [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Dreams, Ducks, Jello, Like... actual ducks. not the Anaheim ducks, M/M, PWP, Pining, Sex Pollen, Slime, Soulmates, Tentacles, Wings, Xenophilia, happy endings, rather a lot of happy endings, weird peen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-04-24 11:35:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19172470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nemorps/pseuds/nemorps
Summary: During a typical summer off season, Zhenya begins to dream of a teammate in ways he never thought he'd want to before. Vivid, explicit dreams. He thinks he likes these dreams.





	No Better Version of Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goodnightpuckbunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnightpuckbunny/gifts).



> Thank you, Goodnightpuckbunny, for giving me such free range to play with this. I took a bit of thinking to figure out how to live up to your own Xeno bar. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
> 
> There's a certain amount of "Dead dove, do not eat" with this one. If this is not typically your thing... it is unlikely this fic to be a good one to get your feet wet with. It's more of a dive in head first and don't look back kind of deal.
> 
> Special thanks to itsahockeyplay for the support and beta to keep me in line and make this better than it would have been without her help.

Zhenya is out exploring the shopping districts of Moscow when he sees the little shop window. It's a small thing, squeezed in tight between two department stores. The display in the front window is especially quaint and eye-catching. He's got his phone in one hand and his purchases of the day in the other. He pockets the phone and walks in. 

The shop itself looks bigger inside than the narrow storefront originally suggested. A few bookshelves to one side, some old furniture and various nick-nacks dotted around the show floor. It smells vaguely of incense and pine.

" _Hello_?" Zhenya asks, eyeing a table of oddities, trying to decide what he might want from here. None of it is really to his taste, but something drew him in, and he's not about to abandon that instinct.

" _Good afternoon_ ," a small, spritely looking woman says, coming out of the back. She's long limbed with brightly colored, knit clothes and a beaming smile.

Zhenya can't help smiling at her. She looks almost as grandmotherly as his own grandmother. " _Afternoon_."

" _Is there anything in particular you might be looking for_?" she asks him, her wide, bright eyes blinking at him from behind round-rimmed glasses.

" _Ah, I… Just looking_." Zhenya gives her an awkward little bob of his head, hoping she won't be disappointed if he leaves without buying anything. He **is** the only one here. Maybe he could buy something and give it to a teammate as a joke.

The woman gives him a knowing look; she's clearly used to this. " _Well, if there's nothing in particular that brought you by, I make jewellery too_."

Zhenya perks up at that. Most of the stuff here looks like antiques and vintage crafts. But hand made, custom work… that's more his interest. He has two statues to prove it. " _I'd love to see your jewellery_."

She turns to open a cabinet behind the counter. When she comes back, she's carrying a display pallet lined with a deep, blue-velvet fabric. The array of necklaces is eclectic, which suits Zhenya just fine, and practically leaps from the display to catch Zhenya's attention. It's like the jewellery actively yearns to be purchased and worn. 

There are necklaces of all sorts: bright, gaudy craft jewellery; ornate silver filigree; a gemstone-studded collar; elaborate knot and bead-work. Zhenya marvels for a few moments, picking through them and admiring the artistry and the diversity.

" _You made all of these_?" he asks.

" _Well, I cannot take credit for the designs. Those, they get when the match is set_." She goes on to explain her methods, something about a ritual and a bond.

Zhenya isn't listening, too astonished by the next necklace he uncovers from the pile. " _This one… How much is it_?" he asks, holding it up. It's a simple, smooth gold chain, understated at most. The single remarkable feature of it is a small pendant tab, not even the size of his thumbnail in the shape of a '71.' It looks identical in style to another necklace Zhenya has seen many times before in locker rooms and on the ice.

" _Ah, I've had that one… some time now. I almost wondered if it would ever be claimed_." She smiles fondly. " _Everyone in their own time, eh_?"

Zhenya looks up, baffled at the affectation at the end of her sentence, it sounds very strange coming from a Russian speaker.

She winks at him.

They discuss the price, and it's more than fair, even if an exorbitant one would be well within his means. Zhenya appreciates her honesty. He tries to buy a pair of candlesticks, to let her haggle a bit more out of him, but she insists it's enough.

" _I am old. So long as my gifts find their true homes, I am satisfied. Just remember, the necklace only goes so far. You'll need to communicate with your words, not just with your heart_." She smiles at him, and again Zhenya's struck by how comfortingly familiar it feels, even though he's sure he's never met her. " _May it bring you your most precious memories_."

It's an absolutely bizarre thing to say, but Zhenya assumes it's some kind of elderly wisdom borne from experience. Maybe she thinks he's buying this as a gift after all. He doesn't feel the need to correct her. He just accepts his newest parcel, thanks the old woman again and leaves the way he came.

Outside, the sun has sunk towards the horizon, and when Zhenya reaches to check his phone, he finds he has several new texts and even some missed calls. With a shrug, Zhenya calls his friends back to figure out where they'd wandered off to while he was busy.

_/ . \\_ 

Zhenya smiles, the warmth of the sun, the gentle sway of the cloud underneath him, holding him up. He opens his eyes and takes in the wondrous beauty of the sky-scape around him. Orange and pink light bathes the puffy clouds around him in an otherworldly glow. 

Zhenya sits up, stretching his arms and his wings spread behind him. Two pairs of them, arching out from his back, vibrant streaks of red with gold tips. He is like the fire bird taking flight as he pumps them twice, lifting from his soft cocoon of fluff. Zhenya soars down through the clouds to see the earth and the sea below, he follows the setting sun towards the horizon until the land and the light drop away and it's just him and the waves and the stars. He dives down closer to the waves, feeling the misting salt air on his cheeks and chest.

Zhenya is just considering if he could dive beneath the waves to join the fish when a flash of silver catches his attention. It's not the silver of the moon glinting off the ocean. It dives and rises in front of him, wings pumping the air around them.

" _Sid_?" Zhenya asks, pumping his own wings to get up higher, see his friend closer.

"Geno? How'd you- Where'd you come from?"

" _I came from Russia_ ," Zhenya laughs. It's such a relief, in the way of dreams, that Zhenya can just understand Sid. They're speaking different languages, but the communication between them is truly effortless, not just the thoughtful effortlessness that Sid has always managed for them since Zhenya was alone in a strange world with nothing but hockey to connect him to the strangers around him.

The closer they drift, the slower their wings beat until they're floating just inches from each other. Zhenya reaches out one arm, pulling Sid flush, chest to chest. 

"Geno…" Sid sighs, leaning into Zhenya. He's warm and solid and here. In Zhenya's arms.

" _I miss you. Every year I have to go back to Russia in the summer I miss you so much_." Zhenya sighs, wrapping Sid up in his arms and in his wings. In the pale light of the moon, the scarlet and amber lines blend together, like the dying embers of a winter fire.

Sid's own wings fold around them, encapsulating them, holding the rest of the world at bay. A dark rainbow of blacks and blues and purple-greens. Like the northern lights through an obsidian lens. "I miss you too, G… Wish-... I wish I could go with you to Russia, or you could come with me to Canada. I… I miss you, I want you."

Zhenya breathes in, a shakey, tentative breath. The smell of the salt and the earth and Sid. " _You're so beautiful. Too good for me. Such a big heart_."

Sid laughs, burying his face into Geno's neck. "I… I needed this tonight."

" _I'm here. Anytime you need me, I'm just a phonecall away_." Geno promises, drifting them higher, holding Sid closer.

Sid looks up into Geno's face, and his eyes are bottomless, full of possibility and devotion.

" _Sid_ ," Geno gasps, wrapping both his arms around Sid's back, his fingers burying in the dark, soft feathers either side of Sid's spine.

Sid all but melts in his arms, surging towards Zhenya, so they drift across the sky. "I want to kiss you-"

" _Then do_." Zhenya groans as Sid does. The peace of the night air carries them along as they taste and touch and hold each other.

Sid is warm and flushed and perfect in Zhenya's arms. When he pulls back, Sid blinks up at him. He looks wrecked.

Zhenya moans, lunging back to crash their lips together. The pump of lust in Zhenya's veins feels alive. It's yearning for more. The waves a league below them are swelling higher and faster as the sensations build. Zhenya can feel the heat and the friction coming to a head and he clings to that feeling, knowing… Knowing he is right where he belongs, holding and being held. Sid is in his arms and he is-

With a cry, and a wet splash between them, they come together. Moments apart or exactly the same time, Zhenya's too dazed to tell.

Sid pumps his wings, dragging them along to a convenient cloud forming nearby. He lays them both down on it, a shuffle of rumpled feathers and leaden arms and they're wrapped up once more, this time dozing peacefully.

" _Mmm, thank you, Sid_ ," Zhenya says, though he's not sure why. He's just too grateful for this memory -- however faded it will be in the morning when he's sure to be cleaning his sheets -- to not thank his subconscious.

"Thank you too, G… this was... " Sid sighs, cuddling in closer.

Zhenya practically purrs with contentment at Sid's unbridled affection. Sid is not a distant person, far from it, but his physical affection is normally limited to professional bounds except when it has to do with hockey.

"The best dream I've had in a long time," Sid finishes.

" _Hm_?" Zhenya asks, already forgetting the first part of Sid's sentence. " _Oh, yes… me too_." He smiles. " _Perhaps we can do it again tomorrow_."

Sid chuckles. "Perhaps."

_/ . \\_ ♥ _/ . \\_

Zhenya doesn't dream of Sid the next night, or the night after. He doesn't mind, dreams are dreams. He's more surprised how much of the dream he remembers. Three days later, and it feels as if he actually lived it. All he has to do is close his eyes, and he can feel the open ocean air breathing across his face, Sid's body in his arms.

" **Malkin**!"

Zhenya jolts, nearly tripping over his stick as Kadar's voice finally cuts through his daydreaming. "Sorry, sorry. I'm listen. I'm here," Zhenya calls sheepishly, skating over.

"You alright? You've been a bit distracted last couple days."

"I'm just sleep bad. I take nap today, feel better." Zhenya shrugs. It isn't really true but not really a lie. Zhenya **is** planning to take a nap in the afternoon, but it's probably the jerk off session he's looking forward to before the nap that's really going to fix his problem. He's been too busy since his dream to really indulge and **relax** the way he needs to. But Kadar, Seryozha, and Sasha don't need to know that. Though judging from the way Seryozha is rolling his eyes and Sasha is making faces at him, they have likely already guessed. Serves them right for butting into his privacy anyways. "What is drill?"

_/ . \\_

Zhenya awakes naked, bathed in the golden sunlight of the forest clearing. The grass below him is soft against his skin, almost like fur, so gentle. He rolls over, languid and satisfied. Basking in the warmth of the sun feels perfect, comfortable and relaxed. Zhenya pulls one leg up, digging his toes into the bed of green underneath him. 

"Geno.."

Zhenya looks up, smiling at the voice. " _Sid_..."

Sid stands at the edge of the clearing, the bushes parting to let him through. His skin is faintly green-yellow, the color of a fresh pear. His hair looks to be made of sheets of fine leaves. "You don't have wings this time."

" _And you look like fruit_."

Sid's cheeks go apple-pink. "Yeah… I'm not sure why? I think I can control the plants here too…? But you look normal."

" _Feel too good to be normal_ ," Zhenya purrs, flopping back on his little hillock and stretching indulgently.

Sid steps out from the bushes, except, not exactly. The bushes seem to carry him forward without him taking any kind of steps.

" _Where-'re your legs_?" Zhenya laughs, half slurs.

"Uh…" Sid looks down, as if he doesn't know he's missing them. "I think.. Maybe I am the forest? I can feel you- on the grass I mean."

" _Oh_?" Zhenya's eyebrows climbs at that, intrigued. " _You c'n feel this_?" Zhenya asks, spreading his arms to either side, clutching at the grass and rolling his hips, so his ass rubs against the soft, soft ground.

Sid makes a faintly strangled noise and the leaves of the trees surrounding them shudder faintly. "Yeah, I can feel that."

Zhenya murrs happily, doing it again, rolling over and pressing his face into the grass.

"Fuck, Geno…" Sid drifts over, hovering just a breath away. "I- can I touch you?"

"'M already touching you," Zhenya points out, grinding his cock against the grass. The gentle, fur-like strands feel strange but comforting, even against such sensitive skin. 

"You just… seem different this time." Sid says, but he lays his hand against Zhenya's shoulder. His skin is firm and smooth, not unlike the skin of a fruit.

" _Feel different_ ," Zhenya admits. " _Not bad. Feel good... so good, Sid_..." Zhenya groans, spreading his legs, so he can press closer against the grass. " _Want you in me_..."

Sid breathes in sharply at that. "I.. I don't have-"

Zhenya looks over, and Sid is almost cherry red now. He looks down, and yeah, Sid's fruit-like torso merges seamlessly with the vines and foliage of the forest. " _Use those_ ," Zhenya slurs, pointing to the vines. " _Unless you don' wan'_?"

"No- I... " Sid bites his lip, thinking. "This dream is weird."

" _All dreams're weird_ ," Zhenya says plainly. His head feels fuzzy-warm — not quite like he's drunk, but he feels contentedly horny, and he'd really like to get off soon, but not with Sid looking at him like that. " _You okay, Sid_?" Zhenya reaches out, presses his palm to Sid's cheek.

Sid leans into the caress. "This isn't weird to you?"

" _It's weird_." Zhenya shrugs. " _I don't care. I want you to hold me down, fill me up, take me over. But not if you're not okay_."

Sid's eyes are wide. "No, no… that all sounds good just… Geno, I'm a plant."

" _Last time, you were an angel. We had sex on a cloud. That didn't bother you_?"

"I… no, I guess not," Sid says, almost to himself. "You're right… It's just a dream." Sid's smile is growing sly as vines begin to slither up Zhenya's legs, holding him open. "You said something about me taking you apart?"

" _ **Yes**_!" Zhenya groans, pressing his face into the grass once more. He breathes in the scent of the forest and can feel his muscles relaxing.

Something wet and slender strokes over Zhenya's ass, sliding between his cheeks. It prods gently at his hole, going in easily with how relaxed Zhenya feels.

" _Feel s'good_ ," Zhenya gasps.

"You feel so **warm** ," Sid says, pressing himself closer, laying in the grass beside Zhenya and sliding that one vine just a little deeper.

" _More_ ," Zhenya growls, fighting against the vines pinning him to earth to spread his legs more. " _Want more_."

Sid obliges, sliding another two vines in at once. Each vine is only half the width of Zhenya's finger, all of them covered in some kind of slick nectar that leaves him feeling tingly from the inside out. The vines wrap around each other inside him, the spiraling texture feels indescribable rubbing over the rim of muscle at his entrance and over the soft tissues inside him, but he still wants **more**.

" _Another. More, **please** , Sid_," Zhenya begs.

"God… You're so- **greedy**." Sid swears, and another three vines are pressing at Zhenya's hole.

Six of them, maybe more? Zhenya's lost count. They're all sliding in and out, twisting inside him, and he wants more, wants them deeper. Then, right where they come together and push inside him, they separate, each spreading out like a star. They pull, gently. Ever so gradually, opening Zhenya up wider and wider until he feels like Sid could fit his whole hand between the gaps of the vines.

Zhenya's mouth is open, but no sound is coming out, only panting gasps. Finally, he manages to choke out a single, " _ **Please**_!"

Sid moans in his ear, and something else presses at Zhenya's entrance. It's not a vine, and it's not a hand. 

Zhenya looks over his shoulder at it and has to drop his face to the earth again. It's a flower, being pressed bulb first towards Zhenya's ass. The onion shape of it is stretching him wider and wider. The long, thick shaft after doesn't look like the vines. It won't bend or twist.

When the bulb finally presses inside Zhenya, he's right. There's a little more give in the stalk of the flower, but it's thicker and and unrelenting as it presses into him.

" _Oh, fu-ck_."

Zhenya isn't entirely sure which of them spoke, but he's clutching desperately at the grass, torn between pushing back and thrusting his own erection -- wet and dripping with precum and smeared nectar -- into the softness underneath him. He almost feels like he's flying again.

"God, Geno… You're amazing- fuck.." Sid grunts. He presses himself closer to Zhenya's side, and Zhenya turns to catch his mouth in a fierce, biting kiss. Sid gives back as good as he gets.

In his distraction, Zhenya doesn't notice the vines withdrawing, but he notices the moment the flower bulb begins to grow. Roots creeping deeper into him, touching nerves Zhenya didn't even know he had. The shaft swelling thicker, spreading up and out, **blooming**.

" _Ah… **Sid**_." Zhenya cries, tears pricking at his eyes. He feels completely overwhelmed, and it's exactly what he wanted, what he asked for. Now he just wants to come. " _ **Please**_."

"I- yes. Geno. Yes, oh- god, Ge-"

The trees around them, even the grass under Zhenya's fingers is trembling with a building tension. When Zhenya finally comes, he could swear his very soul is pouring out through his cock.

Zhenya blinks -- not awake, because he wasn't asleep -- but he was definitely not fully aware of the last few minutes. The flower growing out of his ass has shrunk and withdrawn. Sid is smiling sleepily at him, lying on his side; Sid's hand is rubbing soothing circles from the small of his back to the tops of his thighs. His ass feels sore and loose, but in a very good, very well fucked sort of way.

Zhenya hums happily, crossing his arms, so he can lay his head on them. He has no intent of moving any time soon. His arms are dusted with a fine, yellow powder. " _What's this_?" Zhenya asks, running one finger through it and examining it on the tip of his finger, a little blearily.

"I think it's- um…" Sid huffs, cheeks turning ever so slightly pink again. "I think it's pollen. It came down from the trees when I- when we..."

A delighted smile spreads across Zhenya's face. " _It's plant jizz_?" he asks, licking it off his finger. It doesn't taste like much of anything. The texture is a little chalky, but unremarkable. 

"Geno!" Sid protests. "Don't… Eat it!"

" _Why not? I like it_." Zhenya grins.

Sid rolls his eyes. "You are so goddamn weird…"

" _You like it_ ," Zhenya says smugly.

"God help me, but I do."

_/ . \\_ ♥ _/ . \\_

Over the course of the summer, Zhenya has many more dreams. Not all of them involve Sid, but the ones that do are the most vividly sensational experiences he's ever had.

Zhenya comes back from a football match one evening and dreams of waves again, but not above them, below them. Sid is there, half-seal, half man. A selkie, he calls himself. Zhenya is human, except for somehow breathing under water. Dreams are strange things.

Another day of training, eating, training again. Zhenya nets every trick shot he attempts at least once. It's a good day. It's a better night when he dreams of the stars like an ocean of pearls, gliding through them with Sid by his side.

Zhenya spends an afternoon chatting with Sid on skype, talking about their summers and their families and their training -- Zhenya spends a lot of afternoons like this as the weeks go on, more than any summer before. When he dreams after the first one, he's back in the ocean and Sid is holding him with seven thick tentacles while an eighth pushes steadily deeper inside him. Zhenya **likes** being held down.

The day Zhenya comes home from movies at a friend's place -- good effects, bad plot and worse translations; the one downside to learning English, after talking to the media -- Zhenya dreams of another forest and another moon. Sid comes tearing through the woods, all broad shoulders and shaggy hair. Zhenya rises up on his back paws to meet him, roaring with delight as they romp through the trees before settling in together for a well-earned reward. Sid had nearly panicked when he'd tied them together, and Zhenya had laughed as he explained what was going on.

He's had that dream a few times since then. Sid seems to like the closeness, and Zhenya doesn't mind the wolfy muzzle in his face if Sid doesn't mind the bear-breath. It's probably the most common repeat dream, but far from the only one.

The dream where Zhenya wakes up in a courtyard hungry, with sharp teeth pricking his own lip- he laughs. Sid isn't the most creative, but so long as he's willing to enjoy the stranger things Zhenya's own brain comes up with, Zhenya is more than willing to indulge his tamer fantasies. Which is… a strange thing to think about a dream world. It's all Zhenya's own subconscious doing this. He's probably thinking of it differently because Sid is calling him so often back in the real world, and he's moving back to Pittsburgh at the end of the week.

_/ . \\_

Zhenya finds himself seated on a bench by a lake, a bag of breadcrumbs in one hand.

With a shrug, Zhenya grabs a handful and tosses it out for the fish and ducks in the pond. He smiles at the fluffing feathers and the little splashes of delight at the food.

"Hey," Sid says, sitting down next to him. "So, uh… this one… Don't freak out?"

Zhenya rolls his eyes. " _Sid, one time I dreamt you were an android with a penis that vibrates. I don't think I'm going to freak out, even if I don't like it. I like trying new things_."

Sid nods and stands up, stepping in front of Zhenya with his hands out. "So… I saw this documentary-" Sid keeps talking, but Zhenya's too distracted staring. Sid is naked, covered in a soft layer of downy fur- no… feathers, except from about mid-calf down, where he's completely free of feathers, but he **does** have suspiciously webbed feet.

" _Sid-_ " Zhenya interrupts Sid's halting explanation " _Are you… a duck_?"

Sid sighs, crossing his arms. "Yeah, but… I think you'll like it? You like a lot of the… unexpected stuff. And just… I saw this documentary about- bird copulation-"

" _There's a documentary about- What documentary talks about bird sex? Bird mating, sure, fine. But, Sid… I'm not a bird_." Zhenya looks down at himself. He's human; he's also naked, because at some point his clothes disappeared, and so did the breadcrumbs, and the ducks.

Sid huffs, his feathers ruffling. "Okay, fine. It was [True Facts About the Duck](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k01DIVDJlY). Flower sent me the link, and I thought you might like it."

" _Like what_?" Zhenya asks, intrigued.

"Duck's have-" Sid stops, he seems to try to bite his lip, but the bill-shape gets in the way. "I'll just show you." With that, something seems to part in the feathers between Sid's thighs and out pops-

Zhenya stares, astonished. It's **huge**. Almost a foot long, thick and sturdy looking, and in a tightly packed corkscrew shape that springs gently as Sid flexes his hips.

"If you don't like it, I can make another dream-"

" _Don't you dare_!" Zhenya swears, reaching out to grab Sid's hip and pull him closer. From up close, Zhenya can see just how textured Sid's dick is at the moment. Tiny bumps and ridges all the way up. " _Can I touch it_?" he asks, looking up at Sid.

Sid's cheeks are covered in soft feathers, but Zhenya can still tell he's blushing, faintly. "You can do whatever you want with it. It's a dream."

Zhenya looks back down and licks. A short, tentative thing. It doesn't really taste like anything, the bumps flexible but rough, not unlike a cat's tongue. Zhenya rubs his face against it, humming. " _This video, that says ducks have penises like this… Do the vaginas match_?"

"Yeah, actually." Sid nods, distracted by facts. Sid's always loved learning and teaching things, for as long as Zhenya's known him. "But they go in the opposite direction. It's really weird, and like… fascinating. I had no idea the animal kingdom was so… diverse."

" _Sometime, I'll show you about marsupials_." Zhenya smirks.

"Later," Sid says, before Zhenya can start describing it. "I… think this is about as much weirdness as I can handle in one go. But… you like it?"

" _I like it_ ," Zhenya promises, rubbing his hands over Sid's fluffy hips. " _I want to feel it spring out and push inside me. It's fast, right? Come on_." Zhenya's already lying down on the bench, trying to coax sid to kneel overtop of him. 

_/ . \\_ ♥ _/ . \\_

The first few weeks of the season are like some kind of exquisite torture for Zhenya. 

Sid is everywhere.

Sid is at the rink when Zhenya goes in for practice. Sid is at lunch when he invites Zhenya after morning skate. Sid is in his dreams, driving Zhenya mad. Sid is...

Zhenya makes a dirty joke in the locker room, expecting people to laugh and Sid to roll his eyes, but instead, Sid one-ups him.

And he's just so tactile. More free with his physical affection than he's ever been anytime except for hockey. Always hockey. Until now.

Now, Sid is smirking at him across the ice; nudging him late into the evening after a good game; teasing him over a platter of pickled olives at some new Italian place someone from the front office recommended.

Zhenya loves it, when he doesn't hate it.

_/ . \\_

The next time Zhenya finds himself dreaming of Sid, they're in a field of fabric. The ground is springy beneath his feet. His... very malleable, semi-transparent feet.

Zhenya holds a hand up in front of himself and stares through it. His skin, such as it is, has a glossy sheen to it, and when he touches his fingers together, they stick and pull. Looking down at himself is just as surreal. He can sort of... see inside himself. It's mostly more translucent something, except his chest. He can almost see it, something heavy and solid right where his heart would be.

"Are we... Jello?" Sid asks. The bemused tone in his voice his voice isn't one Zhenya likes. Sid looks just like Zhenya does, but a lighter orange shade to Zhenya's cherry-red. Why does he dream of food so much, he's not going to bed hungry. Sid has the same, thick lump of something at his core. It looks... Zhenya doesn't want to look at it for too long.

" _I like weird_ ," Zhenya says, reaching out and grabbing Sid's hand. Their fingers stick together, blending. If not for the twist of color changing from Zhenya's red to Sid's orange, Zhenya wouldn't be able to tell where he ended and Sid began.

"Oh, that's..." Sid trails off, and the blended red-orange twists together more, Sid's 'hand' trailing up Zhenya's arm.

The mixture of sensations is unlike anything Zhenya's ever imagined. He can feel his own arm being touched and Sid's hand where it's touching him as if it were his own.

He can feel his own feet touching the springy ground, and the warm air around them, but he can't feel anything Sid is feeling except where they're touching.

Zhenya reaches out to press his hand to Sid's hip, and he can feel both the contact on the palm of his hand, and the touch on a hip that isn't his own.

Sid smiles, placing his own hand on Zhenya's hip and pulling him close. "I think I like weird too," he hums. Their arms are intersecting, curling together. The lines between them are blurring further, Zhenya can feel what Sid is feeling and what he is feeling. He breathes a shuddering breath in.

" _Sid- I_..."

"Yeah… me too," Sid sighs, pressing his brow to Zhenya's temple. Zhenya can feel that too.

The soft ball of something inside Zhenya throbs. Sid's looks like it's quivering.

'Geno…' Sid doesn't even speak this time.

' _You-_ '

Sid catches Zhenya's mouth in a sloppy kiss, their faces and body's melting together. Zhenya closes his eyes, so he doesn't have to think about it too hard.

He can feel Sid everywhere. Around him, inside him, pulling him closer and closer. They're on top of and inside themselves, and all Zhenya can think is how he wants **more** wants to be even **closer**. He's desperate for it.

That thing inside him trembles, swelling up with feeling.

'God- Geno.. I-' Sid stops abruptly, quivering with emotion. An emotion Zhenya knows the exact name of because he can feel **that** too.

His eyes fly open and he looks -- looks through the both of them at their cores. The only truly solid, real thing in this imaginary world. They're pressed up against each other, the full length of their feelings mirrored in one another. Reflected and supporting each other.

" _Sid, I-_ " Zhenya can't. He should have known, but how could he? It was just a dream. This is just a dream.

"Geno, wait--"

_/ . \\_ ♥ _/ . \\_

Zhenya sits up gasping. Alone in his bed, he has sweat on his face and tears in his eyes. He quickly scrubs them away and storms out of bed.

He's not exactly hard anymore, but he has too goddamn much energy and nowhere to go with it. He can't even feel angry because none of it makes sense. It **can't** be real. No matter what he felt in the dream. It was just a goddamn dream.

But that's not true, and he knows it. It really doesn't make any sense.

Zhenya paces back across his room and pours himself a glass of water. It doesn't help, and dumping it out angrily doesn't help either. The middle of the night really isn't working for him.

The worst part is he just feels **lonely** more than anything. He wishes he had someone to talk to about this, but who would believe him, let alone understand. He's been dreaming about his teammate and captain for weeks now. And this whole time--

Zhenya storms down the stairs to the kitchen and pours himself another glass of water. It doesn't do him any more good the second time, but at least this time he manages to drink it.

He's just climbing the stairs again, hoping to either fall asleep or change into workout clothes and burn off this excess energy into oblivion when his phone starts to ring. It's barely started the third ring when he tears it from the stand by his bed and accepts the call.

"Geno?" It's Sid. As if it could be anyone else.

"Sid…"

"Are you- Is it-" Sid huffs. A moment of silence through the phone that Zhenya doesn't know how to talk around either. "I hope I didn't wake you," Sid says instead.

"No, no. I'm… already up," Zhenya says. He sits down on the edge of his bed, toes curling in the carpet as everything in him is focused in the tiny piece of plastic connecting him to the other side of town. "Sid…"

"This… Fuck, this sounds so insane, I know, but… I think you know what-" Sid's grunt of frustration comes through the line loud and clear. Zhenya can feel it like a second skin. "Have you ever dreamed of being an angel?"

Zhenya laughs, and it's almost a little tearful. He feels so relieved. "I… yeah. Sid- I."

"Me too," Sid says, and it sounds like he's saying more than just the dream. "Geno- can I- these dreams-"

"This- feel not. I want-." Geno huffs, frustrated at the lack of English at his disposal. Though he's not sure how he'd explain what's going on in Russian any better.

"This is so strange," Sid says into the quiet.

Zhenya nods. "I'm think-"

"Can you-" Sid says at the same time, they both laugh, a nervous tension.

"You go first," Zhenya allows, hoping Sid will have some idea what to say.

"Just... this feels like a face to face conversation, but it's like- really late."

"I'm come over. No one on roads right now, and you drive too slow," Zhenya says, grinning. "I'm see you soon."

"Yeah. Drive safe."

Zhenya laughs.

"Don't hit anyone!" Sid adds as Zhenya hangs up and stands to grab his keys so he can get to Sid's place as soon as humanly possible.

_/ . \\_

Zhenya hasn't even finished climbing out of his car when Sid's door opens. Zhenya wants to go to him, to hold him and never let go, if not for the light spilling out of the front door.

Sid has high fences, and it's four in the morning, but Jen has instilled the fear of endless media training into all of them, so Zhenya pushes Sid inside first and closes the door before wrapping him up in his arms. "I'm miss you."

"You just saw me yesterday," Sid jokes, lamely. "I missed you too." His arms tighten around Zhenya's waist.

"What… What happen, Sid?" Zhenya asks, forcing himself to pull back, put some space between them so he can make himself think. "Dreams… real? They… all real?"

"I… think so, yeah," Sid sighs, leading them into the dining room. "Come on, I've got coffee. I… think I've figured it out, but the thing I don't know is why you started showing up… what changed…"

"I 'start' showing up?" Zhenya balks, halfway to sitting at Sid's table, and he stands up again. "You… have dreams with other people too?"

"No, wha-, **no**!" Sid says, and the horror at even the thought comes through loud and clear. Clear enough that Zhenya sits back down in a heap.

"So… what you mean?" Zhenya asks, looking up, helpless.

Sid fidgets a moment, then sits down himself. The coffee mugs in front of them are still empty. "So, when I first moved to Pittsburgh, I started getting these dreams. I talked to someone about them once, but it wasn't really a big deal."

Zhenya nods patiently, not quite sure what this has to do with **his** dreams, which didn't start until this summer.

"Like… you dream about your teeth falling out, it means you grind your teeth in your sleep-- or that you took a puck to the face recently, but not the point. These dreams... I'd dream I was looking for something. Something I couldn't find. I assumed I was just... I was young; I wanted the cup; there was a lot of pressure on me to play well- They weren't that big a deal. I'd have one every few months, more often when I've been playing less or playing bad. I called them 'yearning dreams.'"

"Sid..." Zhenya reaches out, but Sid pulls his hands back.

"Please don't- They really aren't like that. I wasn't unhappy. I didn't even realize I stopped having them at first. That first one… where I found you in the sky, that was the last one. The only thing I don't understand is why they stopped- or I guess... why they changed." Sid looks up now, shuffling with the edge of the empty place setting at his seat. "Have you- did something... change for you?"

Zhenya may have fought hard to ignore the signs, but he's not stupid, he can hear what Sid's really asking. "No... not before I start dreaming." Zhenya shakes his head, looking at his own hands. "After... Things change. Lot of things- Good change," he adds, looking up at Sid quickly, desperate for Sid to understand. "Most good change."

"Yeah, for me too. I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about it for a while now. I felt pretty damn sure the dreams were real, but also…"

"It sound so crazy, you not want to believe?" Zhenya asks wryly. "Think I'm know how you mean."

"Yeah," Sid says, smiling. There's a thin line of blush on the outside of his cheeks. Zhenya wants to kiss it away, or kiss it bigger. "It was uh... the werewolf dream. The first time? You knew that stuff about dogs- I looked it up after..."

Zhenya's eyes widen and his cheeks flush. "That long? You know?"

"I... yeah? When did... for you?"

Zhenya feels like he's on fire. "Tonight, when... our- those things touch."

"Our-? You mean our hearts?"

Zhenya winces at the word. He really should have known.

"Oh- oh, god. I'm so sorry. I should have said something- I just. God, I should have- I'm so sorry."

"Is not for **be sorry** ," Zhenya huffs, indignant on Sid's behalf. Sid didn't do anything wrong. Zhenya's the one who refused to notice what was right fucking in front of him. "You not know about dogs? I'm not know about ducks. I'm not know word for seal who become person-"

"Selkie," Sid offers.

"That. I'm never be to your house in Canada, but we have sex there twice? Three times?"

"More than that. The werewolf dreams always started in the woods out back."

"Okay, I not know that, but… I **could** know. I not **want** to know. I-" Zhenya grits his teeth, plants his hands on the edge of the table and forces himself to keep going. "I too scared. I think if they just dreams, not real, they go away, I get over feelings. But it not like that. And… I not want it be like that, not anymore."

"What… do you want?"

Zhenya looks up at Sid. Sleep rumpled, his eyes red and his shirt collar stretched out from age. His stupid superstitions and his stupid face and his stupid everything. "I want you. I want… real life with you, not just dreams. I like dreams- I… want dreams too, because dreams fun. But I want **you** more. In dreams or not," Zhenya says, standing up and coming around the table as Sid is doing the same.

They're inches apart when Sid wraps his arms around Zhenya once more and pulls him close "I... still don't know why we had the dreams."

"It matter if we not know why?" Zhenya asks, trailing his thumb over Sid's neck, following the thin, gold chain there. Trying to get Sid to look up at him with his perfect face.

"I... guess not. I just... I hate not knowing," Sid keeps going, grumbling about how much he doesn't like being in the dark about things.

Zhenya isn't listening. Zhenya's too busy staring at Sid's necklace. He reaches abruptly to his own neck and the chain there. It's just a coincidence. It's just a fucking necklace. Just like it was just a fucking dream. He really is so **fucking** stupid, and he needs to stop not listening when people tell him things. "Sid?"

Sid stops talking and looks up, "Yeah?"

"Where you get necklace?" Zhenya pinches the number '87' between his fingers gently.

"This? I've had it for years. It was a gift from my grandmother, for good luck. She said it would help me find my most precious memories," Sid says fondly, laying his hand over it. "It's worked too, I've won the cup with it, more than once."

"Sid…" Zhenya looks into Sid's eyes, stepping back, so he can show Sid his own necklace. He forgot he was even wearing it, hasn't thought about it since he put it on back when this all started. 

Sid looks at it and blinks. "Oh, you got one too? That's... um good?"

"Sid, I'm buy from crazy old lady in Moscow. She tell me-" Zhenya winces. "I'm not listen what she tell me. I think this why I start dreams."

"That's- Geno, that's crazy."

"Your grandma give you? When?" Zhenya presses. "When you come to Pittsburgh? When you start having dreams?"

"That!" Sid sputters, crossing his arms and stepping back "That's not possible- It doesn't make any sense!"

"It magic, of course make no sense." Zhenya scoffs. "It fit though."

"It's..." Sid's face is red as his jaw clenches before he visibly relaxes himself. "I don't like it. You said the woman who sold it to you told you about it? What did she tell you. Tell me everything you remember."

Zhenya sighs, sitting back at the table. So much for going back to bed and to sleep. "I'm not know. She tell me... it important; that it have link? Or bond? It have partner, or maybe I have partner. I'm not remember."

"That… doesn't really help." Sid sighs, leaning against the table. Zhenya doesn't like the slump of his shoulders or the look on his face.

Fighting to remember even the smallest scrap of information, Zhenya adds, "When I leave… She tell me… I need talk with words, not just with heart. And… Weird goodbye, she say, 'May it bring me my most loved memories.' This like what… word you use mean? 'Presh…?'"

"Precious?" Sid asks. "Yeah, that's one meaning for it."

"English words too complicate." Zhenya huffs.

"My grandmother used to say that- the talking with words thing, not the precious memories. She… only said that when she gave me the necklace. And… actually… she might have said it one other time…" Sid trails off, staring at the wall. His face is growing more animated by the moment, and Zhenya can't keep up.

"Sid?"

"My grandmother had a necklace… when I was a kid. It was really pretty, she didn't wear it very often, said my grandfather gave it to her as a gift. I… never saw him wear one, but... "

"Your grandparents have magic necklaces like ours?" Zhenya offers.

Sid glares at him and rolls his eyes. At least he's not so upset looking anymore. "I still think it's crazy, but… We're sharing dreams… none of this makes any fucking sense, and I'm tired and I want to go to bed. With you-" Sid adds, as if Zhenya thought he meant anything else.

_/ . \\_

In Sid's room, Zhenya stands in the doorway, watching Sid lift the covers and slide into the sheets. "This.. feel so familiar. And new. Not know how I feel."

Sid leans up on one arm, watching Zhenya through the dim light of the bedside lamp. "Do you want to use one of the guest rooms? I… know we've shared all those dreams, but if this is too fast-"

Zhenya interrupts immediately "No, no… Not too fast. Know I want this, with you, Sid. Just… still feel weird. Both new and old? Hard to describe."

"Yeah… I guess it is a bit." Sid shrugs, but he's still holding the covers up for Zhenya to join him, so Zhenya does.

Their rustling in the sheets sounds loud in the quiet of the night. Sid's breath in his face is warm and humid, but real. That's a distracting detail Zhenya never noticed in the dreams. He likes it, or at least likes that it grounds them here.

Sid nudges Zhenya's foot with one toe. It feels a bit dry to the touch. "This is… a little awkward, isn't it?"

"How about I'm just kiss you? Then it be less awkward." Zhenya bites his tongue at Sid, rubbing one hand over Sid's hip under the covers. The soft flannel sticks under his fingertips, and doesn't just vanish away at a thought because it's inconvenient. Zhenya wants to touch Sid's skin.

"Yeah… Kiss me," Sid half dares, half grins at Zhenya, tipping his chin up. It's a playful gesture Zhenya's seen a dozen or more times before.

One that makes him smile and pull Sid in close to kiss and bite at Sid's lips. The laughing moan Zhenya gets in response makes him want to soar. Instead he pulls back just long enough to ask, "I take off pants?" Pushing at the elastic waistband with his thumb.

"Yeah, definitely," Sid agrees, tugging at Zhenya's shirt and sweatpants.

They're quickly naked, clothes tossed aside or kicked away. That'll be annoying to dig out of the sheets later, but that's a problem for later. The problem for now is how Zhenya is propped up over Sid, staring at his face, his chest his arms his everything, and he just wants to have **all** of him and can't decide where to start.

"Kiss me," Sid decides for him, wrapping his arms up around Zhenya's ribs and pulling him down.

Zhenya is more than happy to comply. He kisses Sid, slow and languid, testing the feel of their tongues together as he lowers himself atop Sid, more and more until Sid is taking almost his entire weight without complaint.

Sid groans, rocking his hips up, and Zhenya can feel the length of him, hard and hot against his belly.

Zhenya rolls his own hips down, the two of them perfectly out of sync. There's almost no friction. Zhenya growls in frustration and just grinds his hips down twice, so he meets Sid's hips coming up and **that's** what he wanted. Hot and sticky and just a little bit sweaty.

Sid is laughing at him, but Zhenya can't even pretend to care. He feels good, he has Sid in his arms and under him. The only thing that could make this better would be-- "You have lube?"

"Yeah," Sid says, nodding towards the nightstand.

Zhenya starts to reach for it but Sid stops him.

"Uh, no, the space by the bedframe. Between the mattress?"

Zhenya just blinks down at him. "The… what?" English is a stupid language.

Sid squirms out from under him just enough to reach into the gap between the wooden slats of the headboard and the box of the mattress. "I… started keeping it here during road trips when I was a kid, and just…" Sid shrugs and wriggles his way back into place underneath Zhenya.

"Routine," Zhenya says, understanding now. He tries to keep the amused, smug look off his face, but judging from the way Sid rolls his eyes, he's probably failing.

"What- uh… What were you planning to do with that, exactly?" Sid asks, cutting into Zhenya's thoughts.

"Uh… put on dicks, make things feel better?" he asks, confused.

"Okay, good," Sid looks relieved.

"What else I'm going to do?" Zhenya asks, face scrunched in confusion.

"Just- fuck me? I mean-"

"Is four in morning, Sid!" Zhenya yelps. "We do **later**."

"Yeah, that's what I was gonna say." Sid laughs, wrapping broad hands around Zhenya's biceps and squeezing. Hard. "Now lube us up and get back down here, I want to kiss you some more."

"Hmm. That best idea you have today," Zhenya says, ignoring Sid's sputtering protests to squirt a bit of lube between them and get to work rubbing them together. It's late, he's tired and sweaty and kind of just wants to go to sleep, but he also has Sid in his arms. For the first time, even if it doesn't exactly feel like it.

The sounds of their mouths, the wet slick of their bodies. The gentle hum of the furnace. Zhenya can feel the soft weight of the sheet on his back, something he's never noticed before. Before, all his focus has been on Sid. Every part of his dreams has been about Sid and nothing else. But now, in the real world he can still feel all of Sid, but also everything else. This is real in a way the dreams weren't.

Sid is groaning and writhing faster, his cheeks feel hot under Zhenya's fingers. "M'close," he gasps out at a particularly good thrust from Zhenya.

Zhenya digs his toes into the mattress and pushes up harder, faster, trying to get Sid off as his own orgasm is chasing after him.

"Oh- Oh Gen-ah!" Sid cuts off in a gasp, arching up. Zhenya thrusts through it, relishing every shaky, trembling breath until Sid collapses against the bed.

Showering Sid's face with kisses, Zhenya slows his hips, grinning wildly. "You so hot, most hot. Sid."

"You're-" Sid pants around a sigh. "Still hard?"

"Yeah, but close." Zhenya promises; he feels like he could count his pulse from the twitches of his cock if he wanted to.

"Mmm." Sid stretches. "Jerk off for me?"

"Yes!" Zhenya swears, rolling onto his back beside Sid. The two of them kick the sheets down to their knees, so Sid can watch as Zhenya wraps his fingers around his slick cock and begins to stroke.

Sid lays his head on Zhenya's other shoulder, one hand trailing lazily up and down Zhenya's chest. Just an idle, affectionate touch, no intent or direction. But it does tickle like hell.

"Fuck," Zhenya gasps, twitching away from sid's fingers. "Harder, Sid."

"Oh, okay." Zhenya can hear the laugh in his voice, even if he can't see the teasing grin on his face. Sid's hand presses flat to Zhenya's pec, his thumb resting just next to- "How about…" Sid rubs a firm circle around the bud of Zhenya's nipple. It goes straight to his groin, an electric pull of sensation.

"Oh- **fuck** yes!" Zhenya whines, pushing up into his fist just a little faster. He really is getting close.

It's only moments after Sid decides to plant his face into Zhenya's shoulder and **bite** that Zhenya manages to tip himself over the edge with a cry, spilling over his fist with another heartfelt groan.

"Fuck, that was hot," Sid murmurs, rubbing his face against Zhenya's sweaty skin. "Tissues **are** in the nightstand, by the way."

Zhenya rolls his eyes, panting too hard to really see what he's doing, but he manages to flop his hand towards the nightstand well enough to toss the box of tissues at Sid's head.

"Hey!" Sid protests, but he pulls a couple free and wipes them both down, handing Zhenya one to clean up his hand. He just tosses the box back in the drawer and throws the used tissues over the side of the bed. "Can clean them up in the morning," he explains.

"Mm, sound good," Zhenya agrees, turning into Sid's heat and dragging the covers up and over them. 

Sid heaves a very contented-sounding sigh. "I like this… I'm glad we can- make it work in the real world too."

"I'm glad also. Now hush. Tired."

"G'night, G."

"Good night, Sid."

They're both asleep in minutes.

_/ . \\_

Zhenya wakes up lying on someone's back-porch swing, not just anyone's back-porch swing. He's woken up here enough times he recognizes the trees around him and smiles.

As he sits up and stretches, Sid comes out from the house, the screen snapping shut behind him. "You're here."

" _You're here_ ," Zhenya points out right back.

"I'm so glad to see you, I thought-" Sid trails off, biting his lip.

" _I wondered if we would still dream if we… In the real world_ ," Zhenya admits.

Sid sits down on the swing next to Zhenya and lays his head on Zhenya's shoulder. Zhenya can feel the bite mark from earlier like a brand of ownership. He wonders if he looked under his shirt, would he see a scar?

"What're you thinking about?"

" _How I wouldn't mind having a mark you gave me last forever_ ," Zhenya says honestly, not bothering to hide it.

Sid looks up at him and smiles. "Want to go for a run? The moon's out tonight."

" _I'd love to_."

They chase each other off the porch, their skin melting into beasts as they romp into the forest together. It feels like a promise, that wherever one of them leads, the other will follow. But that hasn't been new for years.


End file.
